Relationship or Single life ?

Lately I’ve been wondering about myself and how I’ve been in my past in a relationship and when I’ve been single. I am a very confusing person when it comes to this and I don’t understand myself.

when I am single, I am usually generally happy and optimistic and I get a lot of things done. I spend a lot of time with friends and make a lot of new friends. I even become pretty ambitious in life and try to aim high and achieve things.

When I’m in a relationship, however, this person seems to disappear and I become sad. I almost but not completely, become dependent on the other person for how my life is going to go. And I have no idea why!!! It’s not that I want to be single, because when I’m single I want a girlfriend and when I have a girlfriend, I am infatuated by her and am happy with being with her.

So, why do I lose the person that I am when I’m single? If you have any theories, please let me know.

My theory is that for some reason I am using my girlfriend for all my life sources. For connectedness, entertainment, validation, happiness, life goals. All of which I generally fill (when single) by a wide range of friends, activities, ambitions. So I substitute that all with a person when I shouldn’t because that’s when depression happens because I just threw away a lot of needs in life thinking my gf has it covered when it impossible for any one person to be that all for someone.

So. In knowing this, how do I change it? Or should I be single for my life? Ultimately I want the person I am when I’m single but plus a girlfriend. How do I do that? Is it possible?


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